Self-assessment

from Demo MMXI by Bailout

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Old habits, they just won’t die. Stuck in my rut as the world passes me by. Even when I think I’ve changed it’s the way it always goes. It’s hard when messing up is all that you know. I wish I could bring myself to let them know just how much I really care. I wish I could bring myself to let them know how much I’d miss them if they weren’t there. Because nine times out of ten I can’t convey my emotions to you because nine times out of ten I can’t use the mediums I should be able to. There’s ten thousand tons of pressure crushing my soul, from the secrets I have that can never be told. Ten thousand tons of pressure resting on my conscience, from the lies I’ve told at my own expense. Ten thousand tons of pressure preventing me, from being the person who I really want to be. There’s ten thousand tons of pressure weighing on my mind, I’m lying when you ask me how I am and I just say “fine”. Why is it that anger is the only emotion that strikes quickly from my tongue? So quick to judge on what they haven’t instead of what they’ve done. It’s never been my intention to be so detached and so reserved. It’s not the way I wanted to be, it’s not the treatment that you deserve. But I feel like we’re from different worlds, it’s different to what you’ve already endured. What used to be so simple back then has now become so obscured. Someday, someone like me won’t be considered a failure.

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from Demo MMXI, released February 9, 2011

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